Quick! What makes you think “Yoga”? Did you say “Yoda”?

Then you’d probably be right as far as folks over at Yoga Today* are concerned.  For just over 60 minutes you can:

Explore the unifying “force,” or energy that connects all living beings. Yoga can help you recognize and develop your force within, and then it’s up to you how you choose to use it. This class features Princess Neesha Zollinger exploring the Galactic connection between Yoga and Star Wars!

Hey.  Whatever gets you interested in Yoga, right?  Anyone tried it out?  Do you feel more connected to the force?  Did you at least get to pose in one classic Jedi Fight pose?  I’m not sure if this sort of endeavor would excite even this here die-hard Mark Hamill fan** into trying Yoga; but to each their own, right?  Perhaps this video even includes a bit of Yoda-esque philosophy about the moves if one is lucky? “Size matters NOT!”  One could only hope.

From the little “preview” snippet: “There is one force, you can choose to use it for the light side; or the dark side.”

*Found via BoingBoing.net

**Okay so I’m not a member of the club but MAN he is fun to watch jump around in that black suit in Return of the Jedi!

 

Belly Photos

Well I know a while back Sylvia and Bianca over at Two Zaftig Chicks were sharing images of their bellies.  I was pretty inspired by their commitment to take a full month to look at their own bellies, for better or worse, every single day. While I don’t have a similar commitment to daily tummy photos I do have some to share from this weekend’s bellydance recital.  It was a lot of fun.  Crazy amounts of shimmy-ing and just all around good times had by all. Lots of different sizes and shapes were dancing this weekend and it was so encouraging to see all those bellies; though since I don’t have their approval I will only be showing mine here!

So without further ado, some images to get your afternoon going (for better or worse!)  Enjoy or not; it is my happy belly here to be shared via imagery

Got to find just the right balancing point

Tribal Outfit!!

Ta-DAH!

 

Pretty Power: Activate!

Sociological Images has an interesting recent post about deconstructing just what assets Disney princesses (or heroines) are allowed to have.  It mostly boils down to women needing to use their Pretty Power TM in order to save the day (or more often BE saved).  While some of the generalizations are very broad and the comments do bring some interesting discussions up especially regarding my favorite lady (Belle) it was a good overall conversation starter and thought-poker.

I’ll admit right here that I love watching Disney movies and love looking at the shiny colors of the princess product line.  However, the concepts that the portrayal of these women brings up are worth discussing so I am enjoying that thread.

What is it about the idea that you must be “pretty”?  In the movies discussed at Sociological Images the women are all very pale (if not all glaringly white), conventionally thin, symmetrical of face and smoothly complected.  Browse a “how to draw Disney princesses” search results list and you’ll find that aside from a few variations on eyes and lips; these faces are all the SAME FACE.

In essence, the women are interchangeable.  Add a few background details here (love of animals, something which brings the viewer a distinct knowledge of her “pure” motherly heart); add a few hobbies there (collects “human” items, reads (hu-yuck, she might be Book Smart y’all!)) and with just a change of wardrobe and makeup you have a Whole New Princess! I’m not sure where to go with the idea that these women (who are sometimes marketed as being Strong Role Models for their intelligence (books!) or rebellious nature (escapes Richness for a Day In The Poor Life!) or what have you) are really so very much the same.  I feel Mulan breaks the mold a bit but perhaps that is just me enjoying the movie more.  Is she just as much the same?  Dresses as a man (because only Men Have Power other than that of looks) to fight for a cause, but ends up winning people over at the end thanks to…her personality? I don’t know.  Maybe I’m not up to in-depth analysis this afternoon!

At any rate; do you have hopes for the upcoming Disney film with Tiana?  While the beautiful, thin, partially “rebellious” but good-at-heart leading princess-y ladies may not be leaving the Disney line anytime soon do you think that you’ll still be watching?  Are you ready for some NON-Princess action for women?  A bit like Mulan only not afraid to be feminine AND rough and tough.  Like a teen Dora before she was turned into a Pink Product Placement girl; going on adventures and living life without apology?  Well perhaps I’m a fool for hoping for such things but I still hold out that glimmer of hope.  (It is the same glimmer wherein I keep my desire to one day own a pony…)

 

In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty

If you read either of the feeds I have up (Fat Chat or Fat-o-sphere) then you’ve already read plenty about privilege, douchebags and who has the right to speak (and how) ABOUT that privilege or possible douchebagginess for the past few days. If you’re anything like me then you’re really ready for something, anything, other than more re-hash of what (to me at least) seemed to be an exploded result of a Fat Sphere “Slow News Day” knee-jerk reaction-fest.*

So to discuss other things I wanted to direct your attention to a beautiful (and a bit sad) social experiment that A Day in the (Fat) Life pointed out.

Joshua Bell, one of the greatest violin musicians in the world, played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars [in a metro station]. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in  Boston where the seats averaged $100.

[His] playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:  If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made … How many other things are we missing?

What else ARE we (I?) missing out on because of a funnel-vision-esque focus on tiny aspects of our own lives?

While beauty (even of particular types of music) is in the eye (or ear!) of the beholder and thus some people may not have honestly found Joshua’s music of interest; I do not doubt that there are people who may have stayed to watch this musician in the metro if they hadn’t spent a lifetime being told not to waste time, not to move on quickly, not to ignore the “extraneous” life fluff around them as they (we) bustle on to the next task, the next duty, the next bit of life.

Now I’ve been in the DC metro and, like the France metro and the NY metro and the Boston metro, they are generally not places I’ve ever felt an urge to linger for more than the few moments it takes to quickly check the “You are here” maps while trying to seem confident I know where I am so as not to be marked as some sort of  “easy target” for theft or who knows what else.  Not to mention that after certain hours that funky urine and desperation tinted odor of commuter travel does not make for a place one chooses to take up a patch of floor space in order to enjoy a bit of classical violin.  However, all of my own (perhaps social induced but personally believed and reacted to) metro-related convictions aside; I still find myself a bit melancholy at the potential implications of this tiny experiment.  Partly because of the note made of how many children TRIED to stop to listen yet were pulled away by busy adults (think of the children!!)  But also partly because I now wonder how often I’VE been guilty of moving through life just as quickly, disregarding what might be an amazing experience or beautiful moment in my rush to get to The Next Thing.

To bring it around to the self-acceptance travels I and others are on, I find myself really taking a moment to ask myself:  In my journey to “Find Self-Acceptance” how many truly beautiful moments have I let pass by because I was waiting for the true “zen” of full self-acceptance to come along? Similar to waiting to be the perfect size before attempting to do something I’ve convinced myself I could not POSSIBLY do at the Right Now Me-Size; have I been allowing amazing self-acceptance experiences because I don’t feel I’m self-accepting enough? That I’m not quite a Queen of Self-love and respect-to-all? Am I STILL trying to find ways to fit that same guilty dieter mentality into my life but now in the form of self-denial related to how far along I am in learning to love my body and respect the rights of others to the bodies they have??

So I’m taking that moment now to put on the brakes and look around my life and the paths that I’m on.  A lot of things are good in my life right now.  Some are not.  On my voyage to self-acceptance some days are good.  Some are really not.  Some days I feel like a true activist; ready to take on tough topics and tougher opinions.  Some weeks I just want to Ostrich through the politics and the ridicule and shame.

Today I’m ambivalent about my body.  In the spirit of Fat Talk Free week I will not shame that body but that little demon is there in the back of my mind.  Smaller in stature from over a year of deny it a right to force my actions; but it is still there waiting for those moments of mental insecurity to come forward again and remind me of the “possibilities” awaiting a smaller, less self-loving, more abjectly miserable April D.  But these days, like the wonderful days, I have found to be a part of the process.  I don’t think they ever go away entirely.

Perhaps one day there will be a generation of people who never ever HAVE that little mental demon; who are exposed to countless media images of diverse bodies in various equal roles and never can imagine hating themselves for the shape, size, color, or feelings they have. Who don’t have to spend a week away from any TV or news exposure in order to retain enough sanity to make it through the daily grind.  An ideal world?  Who knows.  Perhaps not.

One recent thing I AM very glad that I took the time to appreciate was meeting a classmate last night from an online class.  She took a step out of normal actions and wrote to ask if she could swing by the library where I act as a ninja reference librarian once a week. I took the hesitant (what if she doesn’t like me?  What if she’s some sort of crazy stalker?? What if she…makes fun of me??) but hopeful step to accept.

We met and were able to chat for a few moments last night.  And while it is certainly far too soon to tell how things will go in the future;  I know I have been able to connect with another human being in a simple but friendly way.  Both of us taking that little moment to do something unexpected that turned out to have a fun few chatty moments of interesting conversation (If you’re reading: Hi!!).

It is a moment I am glad I did not let pass by.  Not all moments will work out so well…and some are perhaps better left not experienced if they don’t fit within your comfort zone (or just beyond it). (What if it had been a guy?  Or someone asking to meet at my house? Or someone I just met on the metro??)

The point I’m taking away from last night and the reflections on the metro music experiment is that keeping my eyes open to such opportunities does not cost me anything.  There is no inappropriate hour to appreciate a good chat, or a moment of self-love.  I would do well to remember this in the future.

*Which did, nonetheless, bring up some interesting topics for future discussion: namely at what point does “discussing” privilege become “flaunting” it and when does it all of a sudden become okay to shun those honestly (or not?) asking for “help” in where to go “from here” once acknowledging said privileges just because their tone wasn’t quite humble enough?

 

Bless her (dieting) heart

Fitting into a dress should not require decided between having the money to add less than an inch of fabric and not eating for two weeks

I was at a wedding yesterday.  Very cute wedding.  Wonderful cousin getting married.  Beautiful service.  Amazing outfits.  Humorous minister presiding. I noticed throughout the post-ceremony chattering though that my cousin kept adjusting and shifting in her gorgeous dress.  Come to find out it was a tiny bit tight.  She had bought it over a year ago when she was having much digestion trouble and had lost buckets of illness-related weight.  Since then she has improved and has become an avid runner.  She runs 5 days a week.  Yet even that was not enough to keep the dress perfectly fit I guess.  Unless she was willing to pay more to have the dress let out about 1/4 or 1/2 an inch she would just have to Fit Herself into the gown.  So for the last 2 weeks?  My cousin has not really eaten.  (Or consequently really slept).  And still the dress looked like it felt pretty uncomfortable.  My religious Aunt, on discussing these events and relaying the information that my ordained minister of a cousin had pretty much just Not Eaten for over 14 days said “Bless her heart”.  And I could only just hold back how really freaking sad that makes me. That you would bless anyone for choosing to NOT EAT just to fit into a piece of cloth.  Makes me so frustrated and sad.   Here’s her Headless Thin-y picture on the right.  And I know part of what my Aunt was “blessing” was not so much my cousin’s Noble Choice to Starve, but the fact that she chose that over trying to come up with the money it would have required to add one simple 1/2 inch of fabric to the back of the dress (granted, being a sewing aficionado myself I know it isn’t actually “Easy Peasy” but still, simpler than the exorbitant cost would warrant).

Tights: We Love Colors. Shoes: Target. Dress: Etsy.

When I told the hubby about all of this he just shook his head and said, “Guys have it so much easier!”  Yeah.  Tell me about it!

On the less sad  and actually much more fun note I wore a fantastic ensemble of bright colors, comfy fabrics and a new pair of red plaid shoes (yes, the only “fun” shoes I’ve ever bought in my life).

Yes, I DID wear bright orange tights and red plaid and brown all together and it felt awesome, fun and finally comfortable at a wedding in a way I’ve not really been for as long as I can think of.  I’ve always thought of weddings as yet another opportunity to be told how great I could look IF I would only lose some weight.  Well you know what?  I look pretty smashing just as is, thanks very much.  And no amount of heart “blessing” will get me to alter my size just so I fit into clothing.  Ever again.

What a crazy world that women find themselves caught trying to choose between fitting clothing to their bodies or fitting their bodies to the clothing in order to afford the clothing they desire.

 

Belly dance for change?

Not as in nickles and dimes but for a cause.  Namely, the cause of encouraging writing (among others).  I saw this article over at NaNoWriMo’s website today and needed to share.

We also have been raising money for charitable causes for almost a year as part of a unique program we founded called Belly Dance for Change. We have even danced in subway stations to promote LGBT, women’s anti-violence, anti-poverty, and childhood education causes. We’ve been nearly arrested in several occasions, although we don’t do anything against the rules. But only in New York will more people watch us dance when cops are standing by.

Just like writing a novel, a belly dance routine must choose a tone and a narrative. Unlike a book, we are taught to interact with the viewer, to improvise on the fly and to always offer a happy ending. Love, heartbreak, mischievousness, and longing can all be expressed through belly dance.

Pretty interesting I think.  Maybe I can work with my dance instructor to discover some ways to dance for causes.  We already dance for nursing homes and rehab centers for free or very little renumeration but it might be worth looking into to see about some sort of shimmy fundraiser to put funds towards say, actual research to be done regarding health which does not use BMI as the end-all/be-all measure of human worth?  Just a thought.

What sort of causes would you shake your hips for?

 

Hairs cuttery and fashion

Well I’m getting my hairs cut today.  (Always get the tease, never fails, when I say “Hair”: “Hu-yuck, which ONE?” *snarf**eyeroll*)  So I’m getting them ALL cut and am having a bit of trouble deciding if I want to change style or not.  I hate the bangs growing into my eyes now but love when they are short little things.  So we’ll see on that front. Any suggestions?

I have a wedding to go to this coming Sunday and for one of the first times I am excited to get dressed up and not frantically worrying that my tummy might show too much or my “Fat legs” might offend someone.  I consider that a huge step in the right mental direction towards self bodily love.  I contribute some of the excitement about getting dressed up to the awesome orange tights from We Love Colors that I plan to wear with the awesome new brown dress! Very cool stuff.

That’s about it for “fashion” on my not-so-fashion-saavy end of the blog-spectrum here.

 

Powerful messages

Just rounding up some powerful messages that I’ve been seeing around since I’m caught between two classes of homework, two jobs and so many hobbies that I need to find time to sleep once in a while!

First we have a great bit over at The F-Word about the detrimental effect that body size/shape discrimination has on a person’s health; relating studies done on height to the potential for similar effects regarding weight.

Waistlines made a quick note about the “unintended effects of posting calorie counts in restaurants”.

I’ve been watching the posting around xkcd’s recent comic with the geeky guy on the subway and really enjoyed Atchka!’s sum up of the discussion from comments.

Every Woman has an Eating Disorder alerts us to the upcoming Fat Talk Free week! (Oct 19-23). “Will you take the challenge? Can you remove “fat talk” from your lexicon that week? What would be the biggest challenges in doing so? How about starting this now?” And continuing it every day?

A wonderful post from Carrie Fisher which has been addressed before, while not exactly “Body Positivity of All Bodies 101″ does give me an awesome smile, especially round about here where she hopes not to “offend” peoples eyes while trying to engage their brains through their ears: “And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!” (Emphasis mine)

Carrie’s more recent post from October 1st is re-iterating what many of us fatties have been saying forever: you can be doing Everything Right and  STILL remain fat!  Boy, Carrie I wish the media would let it go… ’cause trust me no one believes us when we say we don’t eat carrot cake all around the damn town all damn day…. if they DID then that would break minds; because it doesn’t fit into that tiny niche allotted to the understanding of Fat as anything other than a purely simple calculated result from Over Food IN and Under Exercise OUT.

I also have to say that reading her blog has given me quite a few little smiles and smirks.  She reminds me of my snarky grandmother in her attitude; especially with her “Stick that in your pipe and fuck it!” (well my grandma would have said “Smoke it” but you get the idea!)

And I think I’ll end with that because, really, reading her blog left me in an upbeat mood and hopefully it will do so for you too!

 

Images of Fat and Happy

In my endless endeavor to push images of fat woman out into the internet; images which do NOT exist solely as “Before” pictures or “Headless Warnings”; I bring you some recent shots taken by Adam D.  This is a set of snapshots of my normal life.  The life of a morbidly obese woman who has stopped letting size and worries about it get in the way of doing what she wants (within her own monetary and local legal limits of course).

King Richard’s Faire was, as I suggested earlier, quite fun.

Waiting for Diabolis in Musica to start playing

It was nice to have complimentary tickets as we ended up spending the money we would have spent to get IN the gate on all of the artists/entertainers instead.  It felt far nicer to give large tips to performers themselves than it does to cough up that kind of money just to get in to see them!

The dress I am sporting was a gift from a friend and I only had to hem and make a few alterations in order to make it into something I really wanted to wear.

Another nice part of the Faire was getting a Djembe drum for myself to use at belly dance performances.

This drum comes home with me!

In all, a pretty awesome day of walking around, browsing wares and clapping for great performers.  The weather could not be better: a briskly fall day with blue sky and gentle sun.  Perfect for wearing a heavy-ish overcoat!

Over into the crafty department of life; I have found a fun fascination with creating crochet amigurumi creatures. I’ve found the social network called Ravelry and am really enjoying the array of crafty possibilities available there!  I just finished crocheting my first of these amigurumi creatures and it is a “kissing fish” pattern from a kit I bought at Barnes & Noble.

Meet the Kissy Fish

I had to adjust the tail a bit since the pattern was oddly off but I made it work and felt pretty happy with the little guy.  Now of course I’m trying to plan out the myriad of potential gifting options this new addiction has created.

Crochet critters for all!  Scarves with new stitches that I’ve never used before! All made in those wee rare moments between sleeping and trying to get through classwork, work-work, part-time work-work, dancing, swimming, cooking, eating, breathing, living and somewhere in there loving the hubby and little Beta fish!

Whew!

What’s life if not full of the many ways in which you can fill your time when you’re procrastinating?

In my own bit of “Fashion News” I finally got the dress I ordered as a gift for myself a few months ago.  The designer was very kind, and responsive to questions; though if you’re in any kind of impatient hurry you had better

Sassy in Brown

mention that before buying!  Since I didn’t have an event to wear it to I was pretty patient and the wait was worth it.  Custom colors, custom fit…very happy April D!

And for anyone looking beyond the dress; this is the computer/craft/storage/book shelf/dance room.

Taped to that crazy image in the back is a few of the dance choreographies I’m working on for the upcoming recital in October.

I’d say that normally the room is not so cluttered but it really is.  Lots of it is my husband’s “Must collect all plastic bags I am ever given!” obsession but the rest is my crafts, dancing and filing “system”.   Sometimes we get bursts of cleaning ambition and it becomes more organized though (the empty box by my foot is actually a part of that “in-process” cleaning which has finally been completed!)

So that’s the run of images for now.  May they inspire you to do some things you may have been holding off on.  At the very least, may they bring smiles to your lips and hearts as you see this happy fat woman living her life!

Oh, and if that does bring a smile, how about I end with a Liger drinking milk from a bottle; wearing a stuffed Liger on his back?

Did I mention the Liger is HUGE???

 

Avoid skinny people…and you become skinny! Or not.

“Want To Lose Weight? Avoid Skinny Overeaters” is really and truly the title of the latest bit of head-shakingly insane “research” promoted over at Yahoo!’s main page.

“According to a study that will appear in the April 2010 issue of the Journal of Consumer Research, both the size and consumption habits of our eating companions can influence our food intake. And contrary to existing research that says you should steer clear of eating with heavier people who order large portions, it’s the beanpoles with the big appetites you really need to avoid. “They’re big trouble,” says Gavan Fitzsimons, a marketing professor at Duke’s Fuqua School of Business, and one of the study’s co-authors.” (Emphasis mine).

So, here we have research done for Consumer Research, which people couldn’t WAIT to turn into a “Ohmygods! You eat more if those skinny bastards around you are eating more!  And don’t you realize?  If you’re not ALREADY skinny, you have absolutely NO RIGHT to eat food!  Fatty.”

“So, if an obese person is helping himself to a large portion, I’ll hold back a bit because, well, I see the ultimate results of his eating habits, and I don’t want the stigma associated with being overweight. But if the thin person eats a lot, why shouldn’t I follow suit? If he can gorge herself and still keep trim, why can’t I?” (Emphasis mine).

Indeed. Why CAN’T we all just Eat The Same and stay “thin people”??  Could it POSSIBLY be because body size and shape have a natural variance in the human population??  No?  Oh, yeah sorry.  That would mean dieting was a worthless venture and all those diet pill marketers would be out of their lush comfortable jobs.  Sorry.  My bad.  Please continue.

“At the same time, if a thin dining companion orders a small portion, I too will hold back because I want to mirror the habits of a body type to which many people aspire. However, if an overweight persons orders light, I’ll make an adjustment. Obviously, small portions aren’t working for him. If tiny meals don’t help you stay trim, what’s the point? Get me the cheeseburger deluxe.” (Emphasis mine).

So.  Consumer Research.  Showing that we tend, as humans, to follow environmental cues of those around us when gauging our food intake.  Could it at all be linked to how socially ingrained the fear and even hatred of Fat is that people might at all consider a person’s size before decided whether or not to mimic their eating habits?  This pervasive thought that not only do people just “know” fatties must overeat at all times, always, in order to “be that way”; but that this thought therefore gives mental license to others to eat more because “Hell, at least I’ve GOT to be eating less than that huge thing!”

*sigh*  At least I can end on a more logical note:

“Weight is seen as controllable, unlike other stigmatized traits such as race and gender. Our subjects held a particularly strong explicit belief that fat people are lazy. This belief assumes that overweight individuals simply lack motivation or responsibility for a condition that is under their control.”

-Wang et al, International Journal of Obesity (2004) 28, 1333–1337.

And, some further very recent food for thought:

“Media coverage of the role of genetics in obesity causation may influence health behaviours as well as public support for obesity prevention policies. This study examined the five highest circulating daily newspapers for articles addressing genetics and obesity between January 1, 1990 and June 14, 2007. Of 776 articles found, 109 were reviewed. Results indicate a shift away from a deterministic view of obesity towards a personal responsibility perspective over time. These findings may have implications for public policy.

This analysis found a noticeable shift away from a deterministic framing of obesity. After 1999, stories about obesity genes increasingly portrayed obesity as a disease for which individuals are personally responsible (lifestyle was coded as a proxy for notions of individual responsibility), with lifestyle identified both as a cause and a remedy, rather than being caused by unchangeable environmental or genetic factors. It appears that when the gene stories first appear, the deterministic possibilities dominate the frame. As the obesity gene story evolves with time, the media’s tendency to place to locus of responsibility on the individual returns. Indeed, other studies of media portrayals of obesity have found an “unbalanced emphasis on personal responsibility in public health” (Emphasis mine)

–Caulfield, T., V. Alfonso, J. Shelley. “Deterministic?: Newspaper Representations of Obesity and Genetics.” The Open Obesity Journal (1); 38-40.

So, the spin the media gives to the “Obesity Epi-panic” may have an effect, nay even implications for how health and prevention policies are formed? And that media spin has devolved more and more into an “It’s all YOUR FAULT! Fatty.” rhetoric and away from any sort of deterministic frame? Yes.  Indeed that IS rather interesting.