Blasting Off at the Speed of Fat

This is mostly a topic of bemused curiosity as part of a thought experiment spurred by trying to follow the “logic” of so many obesity articles I’ve been reading lately. 

We have all heard of the “Speed of Light” and the “Speed of Sound.”  We’ve also likely all heard expressions such as “Faster than a Speeding Bullet” and “Faster than a Locomotive”.  What I’m curious about tonight is the “Speed of Fat”. 

How fast does fat actually travel? Everyone seems to just KNOW that if you eat a 250 calorie donut* (baby flavoured of course) every single calorie is fat and it goes RIGHT to your hips/thighs/belly fat stores.  Put aside for the moment the illogical yet related thought that eating 250 calories of skinless chicken breast WOULDN’T do the same thing for some reason, being that calories are just a measure of energy.  We’ll use the “Good” vs “Bad” calorie concept here.  And let us just fly with that stereotypical fat-food: the Donut.  After all, everyone knows that all us Americans eat is Junk, right? 

So you eat that tasty treat/vilified foodstuff.  Then somehow, and in some unknown amount of time, BAM it becomes fat on your body.  But it doesn’t happen overnight, right?  You don’t eat something in the morning and actually SEE it later that day; a nice big protrusion on your hips to commemorate your earlier repast. Or do you?  Can you watch that fat accumulate?

No. Even more frightening: you can’t even SEE it.  That’s how fast fat travels.  Fat is some kind of speedy ninja magician.  It takes a “bad” foodstuff (it ignores things like skinless chicken breast and processed “Smart Diet” freezer meals, letting those unsavory “healthy” items travel through the boring old digestive system on their own to be processed); tucks all of its fatty donut calories into a tidy ninja-backpack, and speeds away into your body to store it in the fat warehouses.  Yup.  That seems to be the common-sense assumption.

Boy do I ever wish I could travel at the perceived speed of fat.  Just think of how much more I could accomplish in the average day (aside from working, swimming, belly-dancing, cleaning and just plain old living) if I could race to my destinations as quickly as “junk-food” calories get processed directly into fat.  I mean seriously, wow.  Maybe I should start trying to harness this super ninja fat-speed for my own and use it for good; make a fat-powered super-me to save the world from itself:  “Up Up and Away!  Blasting off at the Speed of Fat to save the day from Fat Assumptions.  WHOOOSH!”.

Or not.  Just a snarky little late-night thought….


*Just FYI: I don’t actually often eat donuts as they give me a seriously sore and leaden feeling afterwards but do not deny their appeal and virtue as part of any varied style of eating.  I mean, call me a crazy fatty but I tend to stay away from foods that make me feel gross (like donuts and carrots) since my body seems to know what it needs.  Your method may vary.  You know; since all us human beings are not alike and all.  I know.  Crazy talk.


One thought on “Blasting Off at the Speed of Fat

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