Everyone knows how it feels to have a Fat Day. Okay, I’m generalizing. It is possible there are some out there who will read this and scratch their heads in be-puzzled confusion, having never in their life heard or used the phrase “I feel Fat today”. But I’m betting those numbers would be very small.
What is a Fat Day? It is that day when nothing seems to go right, when everything you try on makes you feel exposed or socially unacceptable. Those days when you feel like everyone is looking, their eyes are on you and none of those un-voiced thoughts in their minds are complimentary towards your appearance; you can FEEL their judgements. Fat days for some of us could be just those days when we want to not be seen, when we want to hide away and feel sad or mad or grouchy or simply burrow into a pile of blankets so no one can comment on our bodies. Fat Days are just BAD days. Self-image is shot, compliments act like water trying to penetrate a Rain-X coated windshield, and the self-pity party is in full swing. “I’m having a Fat Day” is a phrase all rolled up with connotations of negativity; it is the quintessential Bad Day. A bad hair day is nothing in the face of a Fat Day.
It isn’t surprising to me that all the fat-hatred and self-loathing rhetoric bombarding us on all sides of the day-to-day gauntlet of self-righteous body-shaming attacks that is part of the normal every-day existence might once in a while take its toll and get through our shells to make use feel awful. After all, even the strongest of self-love advocates must still have a bad day from time to time when the pressures of exposing love in a hatred filled world becomes overwhelming. What I find intriguing is the linguistic implication of labelling your BAD days as Fat Days. I’ve never heard someone who was having a GOOD day “Oh this is great; I’m having a Thin Day!” The implication is that “fat” is a synonym for “bad”. But oddly “thin” isn’t quite as literally used as the synonym for “good”; instead people tend to say “I’m having a good/great day”. Perhaps this means that even if it is only subconsciously; people aren’t ready to attribute feeling good to just feeling Smaller. Fat is blamed for a Bad Day but Thin is not applauded for a Good Day. (I just find that an interesting thing to note.)
So what does a Thin Day feel like? Is it a day when everything seems to go your way? All the way to work you catch all the green lights? Your clothes feel like they are comfortable and not restrictive? Is it a day when you WANT people to notice you so you can share a smile of happy contentment? Instead of being or feeling like an utter slovenly failure of human existence, an ungainly 5th wheel of a social pariah, do you instead feel like the life of the party, full of social graces? Is this just an imagined sort of day that would only happen if you actually GOT thin? Is that why the phrase hasn’t worked its way into our normal everyday verbiage? Because the truly “fun” part of the Fantasy of Being Thin is that you never REALLY will be Thin if everyone can always stand to benefit from a 10% loss of weight.
Not sure where I’d like to go with these musings. Has anyone HAD a day when they said “I feel Thin today”? Even when I was down to 175 pounds; there was always that nagging “Just a few more and you’ll be “Thin, Acceptable, etc” voice in my own mind so I’m not sure that even my BEST day was mentally linked with Thin. As though any shabby day can be bad enough to be Fat but no day will EVER be good enough to be labelled as Thin. Perhaps that is why we never say “I feel Thin” because Thin is so wrapped up in magical feelings of SO GOOD that nothing could get that good; short of learning to fart unicorns and burp rainbow scented flowers life will just never give you a day so good as to be deemed Thin.
Right now I feel happy and good. I’m wearing clothing that fits, without the mental crisis of battling the pant size and trying to squeeze into something far too tight so I’m comfortable in my clothes and in my own skin. My allergies are easing a bit today so I can breathe through both nostrils (an ability we sorely underestimate until it is taken away!). I made it to work early and tonight I get to go swimming. The sun is bright and Autumn (up here in the North) is in full swing. Perhaps I’m already HAVING a Thin Day. I’d prefer to call it a Great Day though, since it isn’t a day of slender possibilities and self-loathing induced body size adjustments*, it is a day filled with possibilities, fat with opportunities to smile and improve someone else’s day. Maybe this is a Fat Day, redefined.
Maybe the allergy meds are just affecting my thinking. Any other thoughts?
*which is how I would have to go about becoming Thin; this isn’t a knock against folks who just happen to already BE Thin.