I’ve been inspired by a few posts around the sphere lately noting people’s resolutions. Fat and Pretty vowed to reclaim salad and the gym as value neutral parts of her life, turning back the previous diet-related connections. All My Jiggly Bits asserted that time at the gym would be time for herself, turning assumptions about gym exercise as only a drudgery to be endured on their head, reinventing the concept of working out for her own use. I love both posts and will be adding my own reflections and thoughts for future little resolutions here.
It is encouraging to think how far I think I’ve come in my resolutions, made earlier this year, to stop hating myself and learn to listen to my body. I’m no-where near perfect and I feel it will always be a learning process. However, those voices that used to chant “put it DOWN fatty” whenever I even LOOKED at particular foods are quieter. My stomach is much happier with how I feed it now. My body overall is pleased that I am attempting to learn it’s language. Like a foreigner smiling to hear a visitor at least TRY to say “hello” in the native tongue, my body is encouraging my work with better functioning and overall joy at my new-found awareness. There are still kinks to work out, such as listening to the new cues that my body is ready for MORE movement and exercise…perhaps even a bit of flexibility training thrown in there. With all this still in the works, there are still other resolutions to make.
- Take time for ME
That’s it really. I have SO MANY little things every day that take up my time. I always seem to be robbing Paul to pay Peter with my daily allotment of awake time. Yet I rarely take time for myself. Time when I’m not watching a show that the hubby thinks I’ll love or writing on the next project for my class or working one of the two jobs or reading a book I was told I’d love but which I think is rather quite bad, or when I’m doing any of the plethora of small tasks and duties that always seem to crop up and require immediate attention. It is time that I have always seemed to have the mindset that I don’t deserve, really, not until all the REST of the stuff is done. Bogged down in “can’t”, I haven’t taken a moment to stop and consider what I really “can” and should do for myself. Well no more “can’t” with MY time. Like that Fantasy of Being Thin, I need to crush this Fantasy of When I Have Some Spare Time. Because that magical “Spare Time” will never really come if I don’t just TAKE it.
If this means putting aside working on that paper for my Master’s degree class for 30 minutes so I can belly dance or cuddle with the hubby; so be it. Regardless of when or how, I need to consciously set aside at least 30 minutes a day to do something I REALLY want to do. Part of this could even be taking that time to write for the NaNoWriMo (image with link in the sidebar) that I decided to join in November and that I am very excited about. It could be time for me to rejuvenate my belly dance practicing throughout the week and further increase my body’s happiness with a bit more movement. It could be time to simply lay on the floor and stretch.
Whatever I use it for, I really do need to start “allowing” myself a slight portion of the time I have to live each day. There are already so many stresses and pulls on our time in this day and age that it has become part of the common rhetoric speak about “carving out some time for exercise” or “finding time to organize”. It is as though the Puritan instinct to dedicate all of our time to others and to endeavors with the sole goal of creating some sort of profit is SO strong, SO pervasive, that we must forcibly steal our own time from ourselves. As though any moment not spent either working hard or berating yourself with self-loathing is a wasted moment. Every waking breath must accomplish something, must contribute to a smaller waist and a larger wallet! Well nuts to that I say. Give me the Turkey Knife, I’m carving out a slice of Time for me.
I just think I’m going to use the time I normally would have spent in planning out my calorie counts or points allocations for the day, from the era when dieting was also a time-sucking part of my life, as my time for me. What a great way to take a time I used to spend in self-hate and use it for a bit of self-love instead.
* I say “for the NOW Year” since I don’t believe a resolution or new frame of mind is something to set aside to start only on a particular day (such as the first day of the New Year) for it to have the same “fresh” and invigorating appeal that it might otherwise hold.