Now on the Blame List: Your Colon! Wheee!

Does my left kidney make me fat too?  How do I lose THAT weight?

Does my left kidney make me fat too? How do I lose THAT weight?

I just thought I would post this for folks to either chuckle at or shake their heads/fists at in disbelief.

This is an add as it appeared in my MySpace home page.  The last few weeks it has been ads about some magical wonder Acai Berry.  Now, my colon is to “blame” for my fat.  Though I’m not sure I really WANT to know how I can go about losing my “Colon weight”; does that wording squidge anyone else out? I mean, heck if I wanted to start weighing out body parts I could lose a good bit of weight if I were to start hacking off limbs too, that doesn’t mean it is a good idea!  But I’m sure this wonderful ad is not proposing scooping out our colons (at least I hope that is just a “fun” wording tragedy) but really just is offering some new and amazing way to trick your body into becoming the magically thin person you just always knew was evilly trapped inside the fatter you. Right.

Anyways, happy day of yet another thing to point at and redirect the truth of genetics and allow for more fat hatred to reign supreme (duh, if you don’t want us to make fun of your fat ass why don’t you just realize it is all because of your stupid fat-making colon and DO something about it already so I don’t have to look at you and accept you as a human being who just happens to be fat??)

Last week it was inactivity and overeating causing our fat. Yesterday it was a digestion that would be magically “cured” with acai berries.  Today’s scapegoat is the colon.  Tomorrow, perhaps the spleen.  And next week, who knows?  The world?  Or maybe small aliens will take the rap for our bodies not all conforming to one size and shape.  Because you know, SOMETHING must be to blame for reality not matching fantasy; for our bodies not managing to fall into line with the desired and single perfect outcome that we all know is just beyond our reach: that goal of thin, happy and magically healthy all rolled into one tinier, will-power filled, acai berry eating, colon missing individual we could be if only we cared enough to try and “see how”.

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7 thoughts on “Now on the Blame List: Your Colon! Wheee!

  1. My fiance has Crohn’s disease, and his (surgically re-sectioned) colon makes it pretty hard for him to gain weight and maintain it.

    Dear stupid advertisers: I know that given the choice, C would much rather be fat and digestively healthy, thanks.

  2. Hahahahaha…

    Really, how naive do these weight loss idiots want me to be? Sigh.

    Let’s recount all my dieting adventures that only added up to WEIGHT GAIN, ultimately.
    – counting calories
    – counting fat grams
    – using the glycemic index
    – low protein
    – high protein
    – slim fast
    – the only popcicle diet
    – vegetarianism (which I still adhere to, but only because I love it for non-weight reasons and believe in)
    – veganism
    – no wheat
    – no white sugar, no white flour
    – eat tons of fish diet
    – eat only halal diet
    – eat only fruits and veggies diet
    – protein bar diet
    – all candy bar diet
    – drink way more water than is humanly possible diet
    – drink lots of caffeine, cuz it’s suppose to curb appetite diet
    – drink no caffeine, since i realized caffeine MAKES ME HUNGRY
    – I’m sure I could list a dozen or more diets… as I spent over a decade hopping from one fad to another… so enough already…

    Seriously. How many times am I supposed to believe the same old lies? Now, I’m supposed to believe it’s my colon? When I’ve been told it’s a dozen other things before this??

    How dumb am I supposed to be here? Seriously… a lot of these diet ads are insulting to me as they imply that I am extremely dumb. Sigh.

    I am happy to say that I eat what feels right to me. I’m no longer eating to attain “thinness”, because I think that is pointless. I think the healthy and sane thing to do is accept who I am and where I am and love my body as best I can.

    My body is this wonderful legacy of generations and generations of people through out the centuries surviving and adapting… and here I am. Nature wanted me this way. I’m done arguing with nature. I LOVE nature… so why not love my body too. 🙂

    It’s really sad how our culture is so desperate to attain thinness that we will just about believe anything, even after 20 years of seeing that diets simply don’t work. — I say 20 years since dieting started to become big in the 80’s.

  3. Ah… I’ll add one more bit. I am happier fat and healthy than thing and sick.

    I did manage to starve myself down to some “thin” weight. My hair fell out. My skin turned gray. I could hardly think my way out of a paper bag. I was angry all the time, because I was so hungry. My body is damaged in so many ways due to those years of malnutrition.

    Thanks diet peddlers… I prefer the fat. I am obviously meant to be fat.

  4. I’m studying to be a doctor. There is only one “Magical” cure for loosing weight outside of being sick. Eat less, exercise more. That is it. Thats all there is. And it works, sure fire. It has been working for me for months.

    So I HATE when people try to make up all of these different things to try and get around that simple fact. OR they try and appease the overweight consumers (No pun intended at all) by putting bogus drugs on the market. Come on, diet pills usually have the most horrendous side effects. “Oily Feces and continuing oily discharge” What, omg! (Thats really one of the side-effects for Alli, lol!)

    So all in all, there will always be these bogus claims, “Do this, loose weight, it’s so easy!!!” But their all liars and just want your hard earned money. There is only one sure fire thing. Eat less, exercise more. And if your happy the way you are, then thats perfectly fine too! But I just hate these people that try and benefit off of something like this.

    ~Vestque~

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