Looking where you’re going

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So I just went to my first set of classes this semester to obtain my master’s degree.  It is my second semester overall, and my first semester attempting two classes at once.  One requires what should end up being 10-12 hours of work a week; the other more like 20.  Combine that with a full time job, a part-time job, swimming twice a week, belly dancing once a week for 1.5 hours at a local 1 hour away, a 1.5 hour commute to these classes which sucks up the entirety of Saturday; trying to cook and clean and all that fun jazz along with maybe see my husband a bit before sleeping, and I’m starting to get the feeling that I might have taken on too much.  My head is spinning, I can’t find a direction…  “No one warned me there was a cliff ahe…oh look shiny new class…wait..wha…ahhhhh!”  *tumbles down cliff*  Luckily I’m well-padded so a fall wouldn’t bruise much more than my ego…

That said, I’ve always been an organizational trooper* so I know the current feelings of panicky overwhem-i-tude will pass in time.  I’m just hoping that this “time” is…well..was…yesterday.  Because if I don’t manage to get a grasp on what I’m doing it will all tumble down the hill after me in a haphazard fashion, ending up spinning around my dazed head like a row of unruly ducks in a cartoon.  I guess the short version to that is “Going back to school is daunting”.

But, like I try to tell myself on my path to mental self-awareness and self-acceptance (and would tell anyone who reads here); I need to shake myself off, find what is working and what is not and stop going around in circles.  Just like vicious cycles of self-hatred spurs dieting, which is followed by joyous “body-image rebirth”, which is only to be followed again by destructive body-hatred and further diets or “lifestyle changes”; if I keep my mind going in these mental loops (I can’t get a grasp on what I need to be doing, I’m confusing both classes, what is DUE?!, just start reading that article, yeah it seems to be a good one, but wait… is that even up for discussion next week?, GAH! I can’t get a grasp on what I’m DOING!!!) I will be just as stuck; going no-where fast.

Hence the quick body-blog post stop.  As my husband suggested a few hours ago, sometimes you just need to take a little break from habits (thinking in circles, staring at catalogs or articles in frustration, dieting) that are wearing you down, destroying your mind and ability to concentrate on things (classes, fun activities, life as a whole) and do something you enjoy to rejuvenate your spirit.  Alright, so that last part about re-juicing the spirit wasn’t his words, I may have added those in.

So, to all those who are also starting a new venture, be it a class, a job, a new book, a resolution that you’ve just geared up to begin for the mostly still-new year: don’t get so head-locked into getting THROUGH it that you forget to stop, take a breath and make sure you’re plugging along in the correct direction, and aren’t about to plunge off any cliffs!  This comes from one woman who has just looked up and realized she has been plugging away all afternoon in a huge circle, chasing her own mental tail, and now has decided it is time for dinner.

*As pointed out in comments below, this should read “trouper”.  Though I do suppose being an organizational trooper with some sort of offical “I organize, now stick ’em up” badge might have its own appeal….


7 thoughts on “Looking where you’re going

  1. The word you want is spelled “trouper” (not “trooper”). Look it up if you don’t believe me. Don’t worry – virtually every one spells it incorrectly.

  2. For those out in the world who still think fat people are lazy and ignorant, they should really read your blog. Good luck with school – I understand the time it sucks up, I had night classes for the entirety of 2008. I also worked during the day.

    May I ask what you are going to school for? I like being nosy!

  3. Patch, thanks for the correction. The thing is I catch that when I see it otherwise but write it wrong myself anyways! Though if it weren’t for spell check half the time my “the” would end up as “teh” 😉

    Sarah I’m going for Library Science.

  4. Good luck with it all I’m sure you’ll succeed in the end, you sound very determined. I get into those mental circles too so don’t feel bad you seem very aware of what you’re doing take care moxie3.

  5. This is a timely post for me, I’m in the process of opening my first business, and keep doing “drive-by self care” among all the details of insurance, taxes, fees, etc. Stopping right now to breath!

  6. April, the beginning of the semester is no time to freak out – save that for finals! Two classes and working full time was more than enough for me. It’s completely amazing that you’re also dancing and swimming, and that will help keep you from throttling your husband over something stupid. Like saying hello in the wrong tone of voice.
    Bekbek – good luck with your business! Breathing is very important, keep it up!
    Finally, since I have the floor, I have to say that I never look where I’m going; it just stresses me out. I just submit to the chaos. The fact that you don’t will probably make you a good librarian. 🙂

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