I’ve stopped looking

I’m in a Country Music Mood today and have been trying to still my “want to be elsewhere” mind with some fun tunes.  One song (Sara Evans: I keep looking) kinda spurred me to post because of one line in particular “They say ‘It’s only human to never be satisfied’.” A lot of the song is about having one thing and wanting something else: being blond and wanting to be brunette, that sort of thing.  And I have to wonder and found myself reflecting up this “human nature” to never find satisfaction.

Is that an axiom with which we so easily identify because we are taught that we should all strive for some sort of forever unattainable perfection?  Just as no matter WHAT you weight, you can always “benefit” from losing 10% more; is the entirety of life crafted around this idea that nothing can EVER be good enough?  That there will ALWAYS be fault to find and unsatisfactory compromises to be made?  I don’t think so.

Life is not so full of un-satisfying truths that somehow over-ride or invalidate any possible pleasure or satisfaction you might achieve. It is almost as though people hope to somehow capitalize from creating a general sense of malaise, a feeling that life is just never good enough. Sure, there are ways that we all dream of being different or of having different opportunities presented to us.  Some we can alter, some we can not.  What will forever puzzle me though is that desperate need to keep trying to always feel that there MUST be something more that what there already is; that the grass is greener on that other side.  I think we need to instead appreciate what there IS, what you HAVE or can DO or any number of things that are going RIGHT in life.  Yes there are always ways in which life could be “better” or “more” but if you spend so much energy focused on how good things AREN’T then how will you have time to enjoy all the many ways in which things ARE good and satisfying?

There are all sorts of sites and books and gimmicks that people are willing to sell these days to cater to this need to find satisfaction (with life, with love, with faith…); all promising in much the same way as any diet that CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT and a Better Life are just a few of your hard-earned dollars away in the form of their well-formulated secret method. But satisfaction is not something you find by meticulously following what has worked for other people.  It takes a lot of self-reflection and learning to understand your own needs.  Only when you really appreciate what it is YOU really want from life and the body that carries you through it can you (I feel) get the satisfaction you desire from all around you.

No diet will slim you into that perfect body to allow you to do all those things you wish you could do.  No amount of wishing you were something else; of looking for something more, will somehow drop satisfaction into your lap.  Stop looking for MORE and see what IS.

I’ve stopped looking, always peering over the fences of body size and satisfaction, dreaming there is something better if just there was a smaller number on my pants or a few more dollars in my account.  I’m still learning what I can appreciate in what I have; it is a bit of mental compromise to suss out what I really can find satisfaction in and what I still do want to improve upon (getting my Masters for example).

What I’m having to learn is that there IS no one “cure-all”; for ANYTHING.  We are all so different.  What is the “right” size for one person is NOT what will occur naturally for another.  What satisfies me may not satisfy you.  That is why I suggest that we all STOP looking towards others as if their lives are somehow the epitome of what we all want; when it might not be what satisfies THEM.  Perhaps we do always crave what we can’t or just don’t have;, maybe it is even human nature to always end up looking for something more.  But the key is in understanding that what “More” means varies from one person to the next. And if you realize that something going on in life DOESN’T satisfy you; that doesn’t make you a failure or invalidate your life somehow!

Diversity is the key.  I feel that by learning how your needs are different is the first step in learning what will satisfy so you CAN stop looking, and start FINDING.

I definitely feel like I blog about this topic a lot but perhaps it is just that I can’t enough stress the importance of finding out your own level of satisfaction with different aspects of your life; that key to loving ourselves is in finding the ways that life already provides us with satisfaction so that we can focus on how to encourage THOSE positive elements.

Be it a satisfaction that is physical, mental or spiritual in nature; may you find something that satisfies you today.

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7 thoughts on “I’ve stopped looking

  1. OMG… beautiful post!!! This is the kind of topic that I love to consider, read about, write about, etc…

    I read in a book once (most likely something Buddhist) that if we expect that happiness is only possible when we make more money, lose ABC pounds, meet the guy/girl, have the car, etc… then we put ourselves in a state where happiness is not in the present. It’s in the future. Because the future is ALWAYS NOT NOW, we struggle to find happiness in the moment, even when we achieve what we thought would make us happy… cuz we have worked outselves into a state where happiness is in the future, not the present.
    When I first read this stuff, I didn’t understand. It must’ve taken me months of chewing on the idea to see that it is valid.
    Happiness is in the right now… or it doesn’t really exist. With that in mind, I do my best to enjoy what IS right now. right now I am being snuggled by my sweet, fat cat… I am under my beautiful indian pattern comforter, I am healthy, my tummy is pleasantly full with veggie sausage… life is good. 🙂

    I’m going to give your awesome post a shout-out on my site… it deserves as much spotlight as it can get, IMHO.

  2. Pingback: Happiness With What IS (Awesomeness from WellRounded) « Angry Gray Rainbows

  3. Thank you angrygrayrainbows! I wish I had a sweet fat cat to cuddle too 😀 Though that lack won’t prevent me from enjoying the now (good water & clean water to drink, internet access and swimming laps to look forward to in an hour or so)

  4. You are so right on with this one. I also found what angrygayrainbows said to be very “deep” a good way to start looking at Happiness.

    One thing that has helped me in these types of thoughts or situations is that I have given up the idea of perfection. It does not exist on this earth. Everything and everyone has their little un-perfect nuances, and guess what? That what makes them UNIQUE!!!

    I spent a lot of time dealing with perfection, and how to have it or acheive it. I was only “set free” in one small way when I realized that it is unattainable.

    The only perfection that I will ever find is in God. And that is comforting.

  5. You know what really helps? Getting to know people who embody whatever “just a little better” quality you personally tend to chase after and realising that not only are they not intrinsically any happier than you are, they have their own something about themselves they wish was “better”, more perfect. It’s an almost universal thing, this never being satisfied with what you have.

    IME the few genuinely happy people I’ve met have been the ones who do that the least.

    @ angryrainbows – Yep, it’s a Buddhist thing. Attachement (to the idea that you must have thing x to be happy) leads to suffering. Every school of Buddhism advises trying to let go of that mental image of thing x as being vital to your happiness, for the very good reason that even if you got it you’d just start looking for some other thing that you needed to be happy.

  6. Pingback: Mmmmm for Fake Foods made real! « I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

  7. Pingback: Remembering That I’m Happy Right Now « Angry Gray Rainbows

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