Donut = 59 min of walking! Pizza = Marathon!

Okay so I’m a fan of poorly worded titles on articles.  This one: “Donut = 59 min of walking!” is actually a laundry list of how much activity supposedly counter-acts the sinful act of eating any particular Junk Food item.  It isn’t; as I have humorously suggested; an article on how a doughnut (or baby-flavored! donut) is just like exercise. (For shame, really.  It would have been more interesting that way.)

Not only does this little blog-article play into the Calories In = Calories Out BS that makes me roll my eyes at this point (Because despite research showing correlations to the contrary; fat is STILL seen by the masses and media as ONLY a direct RESULT to how MUCH you eat and how LITTLE you exercise!  Natch!! Even if doing exactly as prescribed NEVER DOES WORK to create permanent weight loss..but we all must be lying or doing it wrong) but it ALSO drives at the idea that exercising for a certain number of Calories will get rid of EXACTLY the same Calories from a PARTICULAR food item you’ve eaten in some mystical one to one correlation that is like…freaking unicorn magic or something.

Ate a piece of pizza (not-homemade of course, just that processed crap) and feel like it might make you fat?  Then run for 35 minutes at 3 miles an hour (Your results may vary depending on how much you actually weigh, the toppings on the pizza and…uh maybe reality) and your body will take it’s anthropomorphic hand, rout around in your stomach and pull the offending article right back out!  Magic?  NO!  It’s how we think Science Works! Not only is any physical activity automatically sucking away at the energy given by the food you put into your mouth and not the stores in your body; it does so SELECTIVELY; at your desire; only taking out the calories from the “bad” items.  *eyeroll*

Though, maybe the creators of such an article title purposely gave it the deceptive (and I think humorous) title that they did.  Perhaps the idea that Fat People have NO CLUE that they are fat (and that the common wisdom is that Eating Less and Moving More will somehow CURE this) is so prevalent that the writer thought such a crafty title would lure in unsuspecting fatties who have no willpower and are always seeking the “Easy Way Out” of having the body they have!  Like an Internet article style slap in the face tease of “Hah HA!  Now that we have your attention you lazy magical fat-cure seeking fatties, food DOESN’T equal exercise! Instead food equals Bad Calories to be counteracted with EXERCISE!  Lots of it!  So stop being fat at us!”

Just had to share that little tid bit for today since I’m having a hyper-aware and highly skeptical inspection of anything regarding Calories/calories kind of day today.


11 thoughts on “Donut = 59 min of walking! Pizza = Marathon!

  1. I have been seeing this all over the place and it has been kind of sickening me lately. I just have to remember my mom’s encouragingly sarcastic attitude towards eating cookies: break it in half first and all the calories fall out.

  2. The line “Stop being fat at us!” made my morning. I’m still giggling.

    The idea that calories in = calories out is a hard one to counteract in my mind. Even though I can embrace everything about size acceptance, doing things for my health rather than appearance, my mind will still not let go of the idea that I have to do at least half an hour of “No fun” exercise to work off the cherry Ripe I just ate before I can do the fun stuff.

    I guess I might have to start, SHOCK HORROR, actually ENJOYING exercise and not thinking about what it’s doing to me.

    Wow, that got a bit long.

  3. Yes, this belief does persist, even among most fat people themselves, & certainly the idea that it is up to us to exert control over our bodies, change our ‘bad’ habits, & we can permanently change our bodies.

    This afternoon, someone in my house was watching a bunch of nimrods on ESPN discussing yet another professional football player with serious character defects & behavior problems, an idiot who is repeatedly arrested for beating up women & who has had drug issues. They were wondering if this guy can change & rehabilitate his character & behavior, & one of these geniuses compared this violent, drug-using thug with “a secretary who says THIS time she will stay on that diet & lose that 30 pounds, but it only works until she gets ‘hungry'”, by which he of course meant until she cannot wait another minute to binge on ‘bad’ foods. So eating what you want is a sin equivalent to using drugs or beating people & people who are fat are only fat because we are out-of-control gluttons who simply WILL NOT live the rest of our lives on a starvation diet to prove how ‘good’ & ‘rehabilitated’ we are.

  4. These kinds of things really bug me. No where, ever, EVER EVER EVER do these things mention that you need a whole bunch of calories just to do things like think, breathe, heat the body, pump blood and so on (exactly how many depends on your size and metabolism, of course, but it sure as shit ain’t zero).

    Maybe I don’t “have” to walk 59 minutes after I eat that donut because I will be using the calories to, you know, live.

    As if a donut could only ever be “extra” calories. I couldn’t, say, have a donut at 3pm, thus making me less hungry at dinner…oh, no. Of course not. No, we must pay a “price” for foods we enjoy. Lovely.

    I, myself, already paid a price. I bought the damn donut, didn’t I?

  5. No where, ever, EVER EVER EVER do these things mention that you need a whole bunch of calories just to do things like think, breathe, heat the body, pump blood and so on (exactly how many depends on your size and metabolism, of course, but it sure as shit ain’t zero).

    Oh, but the fat-haters have an answer for that, too. We can just pull the calories and nutrients for all that out of our fat! Like body fat is just some auxiliary gas tank and you just have to flip a switch (by “eating less”) to access it, without any attendant decline in brain function, muscle atrophy, end-organ damage, etc.

    And of course, you should never actually be hungry if you’re fat, because as long as you’re well padded, you don’t actually need anything but plain veggies and defatted tofu until you run out of “gas.” Then, and only then, do you get to really eat again. Slowly, of course (because you can’t really be hungry, not even if your hands are shaking from hypoglycemia, fatass!).

    If the “gas tank” theory was really true, and that was all there was to it, Weight Watchers (and every other weight-loss maven out there) would have gone broke a long time ago. It never occurs to people that it’s not just a matter of “forgetting” to flip the switch.

  6. I like that idea of the gas tank switch because that works as a really good analogy Meowser. Any fat is somehow supposed to be something we can At Will send our body access to when we feel hungry; instead of eating. Like “Oh, I feel hungry. Hmmm well I have a bit of padding on my thighs, I’ll just remind my body of that and ooo I don’t feel hungry anymore!” Le sigh.

  7. and…uh maybe reality

    Don’t you get a headache from all the eye-rolling? I do.
    But I guess at least it burns some calories, right? No pain, no gain, baby!

  8. Heh, if I walk for 59 minutes in my neighborhood, I can wind up at the donut shop, the Dairy Queen, or one of three pizza places. (Though no grocery store. Heaven forbid I be able to buy healthy food!) Do I have to eat first, or can I burn the calories and then replace the divot?

  9. Your posts have been so spot on that I haven’t had anything to say about them… but to nod in agreement with pretty much everything you write. So, I’m commenting to let you know that I’m reading and that you’re awesome. 😉 Thanks for the great posts.

  10. I’ve heard this thought a lot. The fact is, well, I’m in trouble, because if all I have to do is exercise for a length of time than I can cancel out my bad eating habits, then I will be running for, oh I don’t know, 28 YEARS. The other problem is that whenever I do something like running I always want to go out and celebrate with ice cream or something.

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