So I kinda lied to my doctor

I went in for a follow-up with my gastro-ent* today for some reason thinking that I’ve gained 50 pounds over the last year and worried about what possible things this might indicate (especially in light of eating better than ever and getting more physical activity than before in my life).

While I think that it was an awkward subject to bring up and that the doctor could have handled the questions I was posing better than to look at me and ask “Well, what do you think it is you’ve been eating to cause it?” I do have to admit a bit of pride in how well I held up under scrutiny and with responding calmly and rationally to questions.  We both ended up hunting together through the huge PDR (Physician’s Desk Reference…a HUGE volume of pages) to see about possible side-affects of medications I am on and once I got past her little lecture on how people perceive what they eat differently from what others see (Well no shit, have you never looked at a fat person Eating In Public and had NO internal (or external if you’re the nastier sort) comment pop up, regardless of what they happen to be putting in their mouths which goes either “God, no wonder she’s so fat, look what she’s eating” or “Right, like she eats like that at home. Bet that’s the first lettuce that has crossed her lips in months”), once I got past that and a little holier-than-thou “Well I’D take issue with a whole English Muffin (which I listed off as my usual breakfast, along with either butter or egg salad or tuna or cheese on it and some fruit) because that’s carb-loading…” jazz that I just rolled my eyes at and agreed with her closing “but I’m not a nutritionist” closing statements I still think I handled it very well.  I didn’t bring up HAES or IE or anything, just mentioned I’m comfortable with my size, fine with my eating and exercise habits and just bringing the gain to her attention in the case it indicated something more serious to consider looking into.

She did suggest possibly referring me to a nutritionist which I politely decline for now and then offered to take blood work to check on my thyroid.

After patting myself on the back for having any sort of weight-related discussion with someone and NOT breaking into hysterical sobs and frustrated panic; my husband brought to my attention that I haven’t gained 50 pounds in a year.  Far from it.  I gained 10. And have held steady for 6 months now. In fact I had to scroll back through many posts to find that I haven’t gained 50 pounds in even over a year in a half, gaining just 25 since I seriously stopped the dieting nonsense and said “enough!”  So I somehow got it into my brain that I had in one year taken on massive amounts of weight despite my jeans not having to be replaced and my clothes still otherwise fitting; despite all evidence in reality to the contrary. While I’m glad to have testing on my thyroid done I’m wondering how the next appointment with the gastro-ent will go when I have to sheepishly admit that no, I’ve actually not gained and things are fine really.  We’re all fine here. How are you?

*Every time I type this now I smile because I keep imagining a giant oak tree bending branches down to test my blood pressure.

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13 thoughts on “So I kinda lied to my doctor

    • Seriously. When she said, “Well, for example, I’d take exception to eating a whole english muffin for breakfast” I almost snorted. Not to mention that she followed it with a “heartening” tale of how her daughter didn’t want to eat and was all unable to gain weight but speaking with a nutritionist cured her by suggesting she eat a whole english muffin WITH full calories for breakfast instead of the low-carb, low-cal version. Kinda nutty….

  1. things are fine really. We’re all fine here. How are you?

    Han for the win. 🙂

    You may want to drop a note to the doctor to say, “After our visit of [date] I double-checked my diary and with my husband and realized I’ve gained 10lbs since [date], not 50. I’m sorry for the confusion; can you update my file?”

    That way it’ll be in the records going forward…

    • Oooo living 400lbs thanks for the idea of calling to update the file; that is a fantastic idea!!

      And yeah I had to giggle a bit at the littany of things that the doctor was trying to peg me as doing in order to “explain away” why I could have gained weight (erroneous as I may have been about the total amount). I know when I declared “Nothing!!” to her “What have you been eating to cause [the gain]” she likely lost all belief in anything further I said but one can always hope. And now my thyroid is being test which I’ve always been curious about. So there’s a bit of a plus in there aside from being strong in my “No, I eat well and exercise and don’t need a nutritionist to tell me that maybe I’m drinking too much caffeine with that one cup of tea a day”.

      On the Eng. Muffin, obvs I’m fat cause I combine carbs with protein and fruit (which of course must be imaginary cause like fatties don’t eat pure raw fruits; only fruit pies…mmmm pie…) and everyone KNOWS that carb-loading your morning causes fat. Oh well. Guess maybe the second or third most common side-affect of the meds I’m on is confusion and that certainly seemed to be the case with my mix up of 50 versus 10….

      @ Bald Soprano: Me too, me too…

  2. I’m thinking that one lesson here is that most of us have no freaking idea what 50 pounds looks like, despite having been forced to see Oprah dehumanize herself via wheelbarrow.

    • Miriam I’d have to agree. I was convinced I had taken on so much weight despite the illogical clash that assumption made with the reality that my clothing still fits likely because I couldn’t SEE what 50 pounds more looked like…not to mention that everyone “carries” weight differently.

    • THIS.

      Weight is not something you can see, even with the dehumanising with the wheelbarrow. (Brilliant point by the way. Incidentally, I wonder how much of that “Fat” was water, bone and muscle).

      I’m very open about my weight, something that startles most people as I weigh 20 – 30 kilos (40 to 60 pounds) more than they would think. I weigh ten kilos more I did when I was 15, but I wear clothes six times smaller.

      Weight is not something you can see.

  3. Good for you, April! I am a very anti-doctor person &, when I must go near one, a bit of a ‘non-compliant patient’ as they love to say, but I can identify with feeling that my weight has changed more than it has.

    I am 60 years old now, & over the past 12-14 years, have been negotiating aging, peri-menopause, menopause, & dealing with my last period of nearly four years of compulsive exercise (4 hours every day). I finally had my last period about two years & nine months ago & I finally cut back to my normal 45 to 90 minutes of activity daily over 6 years ago. Well, during that almost 4 years of working out 4 hours daily, I lost the huge sum of 15 pounds (& understand that while I eat what I want, I have never binged or eaten compulsively in my life, though, like at least 99.5 females, I have dieted far in the past, & that during this nearly four years, I was trying to be extra-careful to eat ‘healthy’ foods). In some over years of normalizing my exercise, heading toward ‘old age’ & reproductive obsolesence, I have gained about 35 pounds or so & am the heaviest I have been in my life, & we are here talking about 35 pounds in over 6 years, coming OFF a long, intense effort at remodeling my body, & also coming at a time of life when it is not only natural, but protective, for women to gain some weight & when we do not only gain weight, we tend to lose some muscle tone & our weight gets re-distributed (my hourglass is now an apple.) I know all this intellectually, yet emotionally I often feel as if my body has gone out of control. And, yes, I am very much able to buy jeans & shirts & wear them until they wear out, not until I outgrow them.

    We often do not see our bodies accurately, but what studies find & most of us realize if we really think about it, is that we do not see them as SMALLER than they are, but larger. I also think that many, if not most, of us, women in particular, believe that we eat more than we do & that our culture encourages us in that belief.

  4. Pingback: So, just who am I trying to impress anyway? « I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

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