I went in for a follow-up with my gastro-ent* today for some reason thinking that I’ve gained 50 pounds over the last year and worried about what possible things this might indicate (especially in light of eating better than ever and getting more physical activity than before in my life).
While I think that it was an awkward subject to bring up and that the doctor could have handled the questions I was posing better than to look at me and ask “Well, what do you think it is you’ve been eating to cause it?” I do have to admit a bit of pride in how well I held up under scrutiny and with responding calmly and rationally to questions. We both ended up hunting together through the huge PDR (Physician’s Desk Reference…a HUGE volume of pages) to see about possible side-affects of medications I am on and once I got past her little lecture on how people perceive what they eat differently from what others see (Well no shit, have you never looked at a fat person Eating In Public and had NO internal (or external if you’re the nastier sort) comment pop up, regardless of what they happen to be putting in their mouths which goes either “God, no wonder she’s so fat, look what she’s eating” or “Right, like she eats like that at home. Bet that’s the first lettuce that has crossed her lips in months”), once I got past that and a little holier-than-thou “Well I’D take issue with a whole English Muffin (which I listed off as my usual breakfast, along with either butter or egg salad or tuna or cheese on it and some fruit) because that’s carb-loading…” jazz that I just rolled my eyes at and agreed with her closing “but I’m not a nutritionist” closing statements I still think I handled it very well. I didn’t bring up HAES or IE or anything, just mentioned I’m comfortable with my size, fine with my eating and exercise habits and just bringing the gain to her attention in the case it indicated something more serious to consider looking into.
She did suggest possibly referring me to a nutritionist which I politely decline for now and then offered to take blood work to check on my thyroid.
After patting myself on the back for having any sort of weight-related discussion with someone and NOT breaking into hysterical sobs and frustrated panic; my husband brought to my attention that I haven’t gained 50 pounds in a year. Far from it. I gained 10. And have held steady for 6 months now. In fact I had to scroll back through many posts to find that I haven’t gained 50 pounds in even over a year in a half, gaining just 25 since I seriously stopped the dieting nonsense and said “enough!” So I somehow got it into my brain that I had in one year taken on massive amounts of weight despite my jeans not having to be replaced and my clothes still otherwise fitting; despite all evidence in reality to the contrary. While I’m glad to have testing on my thyroid done I’m wondering how the next appointment with the gastro-ent will go when I have to sheepishly admit that no, I’ve actually not gained and things are fine really. We’re all fine here. How are you?
*Every time I type this now I smile because I keep imagining a giant oak tree bending branches down to test my blood pressure.