In which I swear. A lot. Fuck you.

You know what?  I have a huge, honking, glaring, fucking enormous problem with people who think making fun of fat people is not only “Okay” but “Good Times”, or even “Necessary”.  What the fuck.  When did people get off the brain train and forget that the second half of Fat People… is People?  I am a human being.  Fat people are human beings.

It is at times like these that I really do understand why people are so tempted to call Fatness the “last acceptable prejudice”.  It isn’t because racism, sexism, orientation, or other discriminations are somehow gone, or even that they are perhaps less blatantly pervasive than eons past.  It is because folks who will otherwise consider themselves so progressive, so forward thinking, so Earth Friendly, so Green, so Politically Relevant and so conscious of and caring of the struggles of people in societies across the globe, still think nothing of laughing it up at yet another dull re-iteration of Fat Humor.

Fat man “lumbers” through pharmacy and grabs up chips and soda. Hurr – guess those diabetic meds are all being wasted on him, he should just die because he’s ugly.. and FAT:   Ha-yuk!  Fat mother is taking her fat kids for ice cream, guess that fat fucking apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, eh?  Whoo, slap your fucking knees in glee. Get this! Fat people for some reason think the human body was actually born KNOWING how to eat!  Those fucking cretins!  Whoo!  Wipe a tear of laughter from your eye, hoo-boy.  Hilarity!  Yea.  Again:  Fuck. you.

I know here in my own blog I end up displaying many of the ways this here fat woman does not fit the classic Fat Woman trope.  However, you know something?  All of that is moot for my point here because even if I DID fit Every Single One of your imagined hateful fatty behaviors; even IF it somehow turned out that being fat wasn’t 77% genetic and I was simply choosing “bad behaviors” to follow or that I was a skinny woman tamping down that bitch with chocolate and laziness, simply delighting in the glorious “fun” that is Being Fat in this wonderfully hateful society, even IF I was the sort of woman with fleshy contours that you loved to hate and envy, lounging on a cushy sofa, popping bon-bons and high-fructose corn syrup sodas while watching trashy romance dramas on TV, my rounded belly bulging out of some stereotypically dirty and mis-matched set of sweats: I am STILL deserving of basic human respect. Yes I am.  We ALL are.

You do NOT somehow get a golden ticket allowing you to make fun of and judge ANYONE. You NEVER have a right to hold a person’s physical being or their choices (where they do not harm others, and no, feeling like your tax money is paying for someone’s “bad” choices is not “harm”) against them so much so that you feel them deserving of scorn and hate and paltry attempts at “humor”.

We are ALL human beings: why do you feel that a fatty is any different? I pay my damn taxes and health insurance too, how is this here fat woman any different from the rest of the risk-taking, tax-paying public? And isn’t tolerance, understanding, RESPECT, deserved as well for those who DON’T pay taxes, health insurance, etc? Don’t we have a duty as a nation of intelligent beings, to fucking respect each other, not just IN SPITE of our differences, but BECAUSE of our diversity?!?

And no, quite frankly, it DOESN’T fucking matter if it all turned out that fatties ARE choosing to be fat, that STILL doesn’t give you some sort of inherent right to mock, scorn, shame or otherwise amuse yourself at the expense of others. Would you similarly hatefully mock someone choosing a particular religion?  Someone who chooses to drink alcohol,  smoke or sky-dive (also correlated with high-risks of death and disease if you’re one of those “I hate your for your health” fuckwads)? Would you think nothing of spewing vitriol at folks who happen to be taller than average?  Shorter than average? Anyone who shows any small sign of not being wealthy or trying to pretend they aren’t well-off?   Are you the sort of person who thinks a poverty-stricken, fat, non-white, midget would be the funniest thing alive?  Do you see nothing wrong with mocking anyone? Then quite simply, as I’m sure everyone already knows, even if they haven’t gotten the courage up to tell you this to your face yet: you’re a complete and utter fuckwad and don’t even deserve the breathe it takes to scornfully reply to your inanities.

But on behalf of those who will just turn away and let your questionable attempts at “humor” slide by, let me share with you what you fuckers SHOULD be hearing any time you open your foul mouths: Your jokes?  Those tired old fat jokes?  Those dragging repetitions on a hateful theme? Are not amusing.  You are just NOT fucking FUNNY. Those of you who think fat jokes are funny, that racism is funny, that sexism is just great for putting women in their place, that anything which makes a person different is ripe for mockery?  Are not amusing.  Fuck.  You.  Get your fucking heads out of your fucking asses and try to scrape the shit out of your ears for a moment to actually hear something: NO ONE is undeserving of basic human dignity and respect.  NO ONE.  You don’t get to decide that because someone is unattractive to you for whatever reason that they are therefore fodder for your laughter. Fuck. You. You are not funny.

Also? This isn’t ABOUT your ability to feel attracted to someone.  This isn’t ABOUT your inability to connect with a spouse any longer because you are a shallow fuck who can’t hone up to your shallow desires and instead focus on trying to shame another human being into fitting into the physical shell you’ve found you are most interested in.  This isn’t about “choices” or “genetics” or “taxes/health care” or “good or bad” dichotomies.  This is about you being a complete and utter insecure fuckwad.  This is about the fact that you are, quite simply, not funny. No matter how many times you laugh at someone you’ve deemed unworthy, you are still just a tiny, tiny fuckwad on the scale of this grand old universe.

In this enormous and ever-expanding universe we are each tiny morsels, specks even, in existence.  If you think that making fun of others somehow builds YOU up perceptibly; you couldn’t BE more wrong.  You are STILL just a small, infinitesimal dot on the time line of the whole of the universe, only you’re a mean and spiteful one, filled with fear and insecurity which burns inside of you, bubbling up to spill out as the slanderous “jokes” you feel compelled to “share”. When the time comes; I hope you realize just how awful you’ve been through your life with assumptions about your right to mock those who are different.  I truly hope that some moment slaps you in the fucking face (maybe a moment like reading this post even) and makes you hone up to just how incredibly mean and spiteful you’ve been to others who have done you no harm; who just happen to exist in a manner you find distasteful.

I end with a few quotes from all over (religious and secular even) which may, I hope, give pause to anyone who has been a giver of hateful mockery before, anyone who has read this far without questioning their habits.  And I would like to conclude with this bit of advice: Don’t be a fucking hateful person.  They aren’t funny.

Anon. Native American Indian Traditional Code of Ethics.
All the races and tribes in the world are like the different colored flowers of one meadow. All are beautiful. As children of the Creator they must all be respected.

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Toleration isn’t much. But it is the first step towards curiosity, interest, study, understanding, appreciating and finally valuing diversity. If we can get everyone on the first step of tolerance, at least we won’t be killing each other.

Father Dominique Pire
Let us not speak of tolerance. This negative word implies grudging concessions by smug consciences. Rather, let us speak of mutual understanding and mutual respect.

Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-13
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Eldridge Cleaver, “Soul on Ice”
The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.

David Grayson
Commandment #1 of any truly civilized society is this: Let people be different.


25 thoughts on “In which I swear. A lot. Fuck you.

    • @CTJen ^.^ Thanks. Nothing specific has happened to me mind you, this is just a rant that has been bubbling up for a while now and reading a blog yesterday that I was starting to like, only to find a post or 10 which bemoaned the un-virtues of fattiness just finally kicked me into getting this post up and out!

  1. My word. I’ve noted your writing as being stand out before, once I’ve lolloped over via various feeds on other sites. Now it’s been established for me. I look forward to more frequent visits.

    It can be tricky to convey anger/passion in an articulate way. I love this piece. It actually felt cathartic to read. Thank you!

  2. Now THAT was impressive! Really! Whenever I need to vent or melt-down sounds more like-

    MOTHER(expitive deleted)ING, MOTHER(expitive deleted)ERS!! I’m gonna (expitive deleted) this whole thing UP!!! You don’t (expitive deleted) even (expitive deleted) KNOW what’s (expitive deleted) comming (expitive deleted)…

    -It generally gets more incoherent and less intelligable from there, but you get the idea. I’ve always envyed people who can ride that very fine line of tarring someone a brand new orifice while keeping the point locked right in with crystaline clarity.


  3. I completely agree, and I often feel this way.

    A few days ago, I got into it with someone who kept talking about how obesity is so awful. (Someone who, mind you, openly admits that he is underweight – hypocrisy much?) He finally asked me how he should refer to people who are “as big as blimps” and “too fat to see their feet” (his words, not mine); when I said that he should stop being an asshole and dehumanizing people, he called me crazy.

    I told him that if I’m crazy, it’s his doing.

    • Meems I’m so glad to hear that you responded! Me, I get all flustered in situations in person; I’m still working on developing the kind of mad awesome snark levels of folks like Snarky’s Machine! But yeah, discouraging still that at the end of it he sums up any attempt to call him on being an ass as just “crazy talk”. Gah!

      Bilt4Cmfrt usually my melt-downs sound like yours too. I’ve been crafting this one for quite some time. I like the written word because unlike real life where I lose the moment as I’m flustered and frustrated and trying to organize my thoughts… on paper (or e-paper?) I’m at least able to calmly line out WHY I am upset and WHY it matters and how I’d wish people would approach the issue instead!

  4. Pingback: Otterly Adorable « I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

  5. “On campus, I often teach from the phrase “B’tzelem Elohim” in the course of discussions of religion and homosexuality. B’tzelem Elohim teaches that each person’s life is unique and holy, and it’s instructive to point out that the Torah doesn’t say that straight people, or white people or Jewish people were created in God’s image. It says all human beings were created in the image of God.” — Rabbi Jeffery Summit

    This is what I find painful about interacting with people who deny the humanity in others, they don’t share this belief I have that we were all created in God’s image. I don’t expect that everyone share my beliefs, or believe in God at all. But among those who claim to believe in God, this is a pretty important, fundamental concept. If someone says they believe in God, but they don’t hold this particular belief, that’s where my own intolerance shows. I guess I need to accept that they are also B’tzelem Elohim — my belief system doesn’t include believing in the devil as a separate entity from the supernatural whole. So, this strain of hatred that runs through humanity is an unfortunate part that needs improvement and constantly needs to be kept in check because it’s harmful, but that it exists is not surprising.
    Fatness becomes this convenient bucket for feelings of hate and dehumanization because it’s right there in front of us, and hating it is supported so deeply in so many different directions.

    As usual, April, you wrote a fucking awesome post.

    • AcceptanceWoman thank you for such a good look into the religious side that I so often find myself thinking on as well. It is so hard for me to see people proclaim that they “believe” in a God who claims we are all in his image; yet find it impossible to ACCEPT that this image DOES include ALL of us without wanting to scream “ALL means ALL!! Not “My chosen select few that I find attractive”: it means ALL!”

  6. Hi

    In the extreme I think of Fat-o-phobic people as having a form of Sociopath-disorder. They are so disconnected from seeing Fat People has People. They must see Fat People as a another species of something.

  7. THANK YOU, THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! For all the teasing and crap that I got as a kid, even as an adult, your words are my voice. For all that said “You are so pretty, to be so FAT”. FUCK YOU! I have made some changes in my life and have learned to love me for me. I needed to read your post, it was so,so,so needed.

  8. Part 2.. lol 🙂
    Sometimes I want to shout “what is your problem? How does my big ass offend you and make YOUR life difficult?”
    What normally makes me the craziest is when I hear\read someone’s rant about how obesity is bad for you and if you would just exercise and eat right, it would all be better. duh.. you think that would really work?

    • Rowdygirl I totally hear ya. It feels like trying to talk reasonably to someone who has their fingers jammed in their ears while screaming “I’M NOT LISTENIN’!!!” Childish and silly.

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