I never dreamed that the woman who used to declare disdainfully to her mother upon seeing anyone fatter than herself “Guh! If I ever get like THAT, just shoot me” would one day not only BE that fatter woman, but would also be much happier and more fulfilled than she ever had before.
I just performed two weekends ago at a nursing home with many other lovely belly dancers in an hour-long show up in Nashua, New Hampshire.
It was a LOT of fun, a lot of activity, lots of sweating and a great time overall. And it is something I would NEVER have felt comfortable doing just 5 years ago when I was so much thinner, so much flatter of tummy and so much smaller of hip. Yet here I am. Dancing, belly exposed, smiling gleefully, living for all I’m worth (which is quite a lot I’ve come to find). It is amazing the changes that can come from years of leaving aside the self-loathing and taking on a bit of a more loving attitude towards your own body.
I sported for the start of the show a very bright red and self-made cabaret costume, shown off to the left.
For those who are also into making their own costumes, the skirt is a dual layer thing with Silk Essence as a 2.5 circle under skirt and a sheer red, edged in gold sequin trim, as the 1.5 circle over top. The belt and bra are self-creations. The belt cut was out of plastic mesh, wrapped in felt and then the colored fabric and decorated. The bra is the red fabric wrapped over a black Lane Bryant bra and decorated. I still plan to laboriously attach strings of beads to the belt and bra but that is a slow process.
My other costume was a lovely pair of semi-sheer harem pants (with black bicycle shorts underneath!) with this same red top. I wanted to keep the red belt too but forgot at the time!
Below is the very upbeat cane dance my dance instructor and I performed together:
Right now I have been holding steady at my highest life-weight ever for over a year or two considering how well my summer clothes have still been fitting, something that has not really ever been the case for me as a yo-yo dieter at any other point in my life. The usual season-change in the past would bring the dreaded fear of “Oh man, what (if anything) is going to fit enough that I won’t have to scrounge up money to get something to fit my (likely larger but definitely differently sized from the year prior) body??
My weight is somewhere about 275-300 I’d guess since I haven’t looked at a scale in a long while but haven’t gained much according to my clothing since my last measurement at about 275. I find it wonderful, if a bit ironic, to think how much more confident I am in my own body NOW than I ever was when thinner and struggling to shrink even more. Truly, such things as self-love and confidence are very much (a large percentage at least) in the mind and not the body.
So, my Monday note to you is to remember that your body is not what inhibits your ability to follow your dreams. There are so many obstacles in life ready to snap at your heels while you pursue any goal; don’t let your body’s size or your feelings about it be yet one more! Go out and catch the tail of that glowing dream and hold on for all you’re worth.
What are YOUR dreams on this Monday?