I’m back! Told you I (was mostly certain I) would be! Anyway; I have been having an absolutely MARVELOUS end of 2011 and start to 2012. Life is chugging along in a rather calm and peacefully blissful pattern that I hope to continue for as long as possible. Here are just a few things that have been going on Chez D:
Adam D and I just celebrated 5 years of married-ness this past December.
- I taught myself to Knit so I could make a Tom Baker Dr. Who scarf in time for our anniversary (I succeeded. Barely in time though! That thing is HUGE and it takes a LONG TIME to knit for someone who lives with you and is almost always home from work before you are! It involved LOTS of being sneaky and knitting when I was sure I was going to get “caught” in the scarf-y act!)
- We visited my folks down in Virginia for Christmas and discovered that taking the train is about as “All Day” as driving or (when you account for all the hassle) taking a plane. I, for one, enjoyed getting to get up and walk about whenever I wanted.
- Dance-wise I’ve been focusing lately on Tribal/Tribal-Fusion of late and have a few classes to look forward to in February to enhance my sword work! Also have more performances lined up. Woot!
- Been rather lax with the trumpet playing lately and focusing on dancing. I hope to get a bit more playing done though and, even if I’m the only one down there, want to play during the second half of my lunch break more often as I used to do.
- After a really recharging break I’m back to posting and have lots of book reviews, tasty food ideas and general life-posty-ness to catch up on here!
To get to the point of this post though: I thought it might be nice, as I lounge on my last two remaining vacation days for this long and ever-needed holiday, to finally get up a time-line of April D in image form. It should be a fun re-start of the blog for 2012 after my incredibly restful break from blogging.
I’ve gone through many of my old photos recently to organize, purge duplicates and scan those which have no digital form. There were, however, thoughts that KEPT giving me pause as I looked through images of my own past. Thoughts I kept coming back to that boiled down to: what was I THINKING back then? Why wasn’t I happy how I was? Well, I think I USED to have a time when I was carefree and happy…but those days were quickly outnumbered by the Dieting Days…
Honestly, it was a pretty rough couple of nights as I sorted pictures. I found I had to stop frequently to pick myself up both physically from the cross-legged position I held on the floor and from the rather mental-downer into which I was spiraling.
Happily, I have, with some time and thought, been able to find a calm bit of peace in looking back on these images. Certainly there remains a tinge of bitter sorrow that I was so incredibly cruel to my own body (and let others be cruel at it “for my own good”) for so long. Likely there will also always be that occasional voice I indulge for a moment, only now and then, to wonder just how things might have been if I’d been stronger and more self-certain and left myself (and my body) alone. For the larger part, though, I can look back and see the (fat) girl I was, struggling to reconcile the feelings of her own body with the nasty comments received from others and working to fit herself into a paradigm that, if we’re honest, has no place for women who aren’t already naturally thin, culturally beautiful, effortlessly correctly feminine, self-assured yet modest, submissively available yet not overly sexual; aka everything that no one can be all at once. I can look back and know that these parts of my past have shaped the “me” of now. I don’t have to have LIKED every moment but I can appreciate each link for the part it plays in who I proudly display now.
Who am I now? April D. Fat, dancing, trumpet-blowing, husband-loving, nay-sayer-ignoring, life-living woman who has worked rather hard to show that I am a lot more than the sum of the numbers on my health chart. Here is a rather lively number I just got to perform with a lovely local dance group this past December a Yule Hafla. My resolution for 2012 (since I’m known to just not make them unless it is something I’m planning to do anyway?): continue being a loud and proud April D. Fat, Visible and Refusing to Be Silenced. Yip!