Seriously. This was what a co-worker said when talking about an argument she had with her boyfriend in the grocery aisle last night. They disagreed about flavors and she told him “I don’t care if you like chocolate. You’re too fat to pick your own ice cream.” Yes. “Too FAT” to be allowed to make a simple food choice without being shamed, guilted and shunned in the middle of a public place.
In “living color”; so to speak; we see a reflection of the main problem with a society that finds fat on your body as not only something you can and SHOULD avoid at all costs; but also finds it acceptable for others to berate those who DON’T. The kicker? Her boyfriend has lost a huge quantity of weight on their shared “lifestyle change”; more so than even she has. Yet still, the flippantly fatophobic comments.
Now it could just be that she’s a nasty person; but I feel that her comment is a great reflection on just how ugly and pervasive that concept of “fat as shameful” really is. I wonder how she would have reacted if I had thought at the time (instead of now hours later) to say, “Wow, do you think I’M too fat to be self-responsible for choosing my own foods?”
I don’t even have links to add or further analysis to offer on this. It just floored me. Honestly; who says that to anyone; let alone their partner? Or maybe this is just an example of how we usually hurt the ones we love the most? I don’t know. Take from this what you will.
Oh, and I hereby give you all, as intelligent human beings, permission to choose your own fucking foods; even down to what flavor of ice cream you desire. Geesh.
I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape. 
Geez, that’s an abusive remark. If she talks to him like that all the time, then she’s a verbal abuser, shaming him to gain power in the relationship. I’d be very wary of her from now on at work, these sorts of personality traits aren’t isolated to home.
It may be a control thing but what worries me more is that she has lost SO much weight and has become so self-righteous about it (with comments such as this and many others) that I REALLY worry what will happen to her mentality if (like over 90% of dieters) she ends up gaining it all back; plus some. There are obviously tinges of fear of “Becoming Fat Again” in such comments as these and hearing them spouted, even in “jest” just sets off all sorts of warning bells.
As to me personally; I’m a lot more capable of avoiding/being wary of her comments than I was even 6 months ago and have begun to call some of them out so it is a work in progress…
Wow, I agree with Piffle that is verbal abuse.
And I gotta say, she would have NO WAY found that comment acceptable if HE was the one who’d said it. If he had said it, he would be this over controling woman hater. But somehow she found it okay to slip her lips?
Serioulsy, HE should run for the hills. She should get a grip.
I’ve ASKED my husband before to not bring certain foods into the house, because with those certain foods I have NO self control. But even if that was her thinking, her comment was out of line. She should have simply said, “I wont be able to stay out of the chocolate, can we compromise on something else?”
And…if she was worried about him having no self control…SHE AINT HIS MAMA! I’m guessing he’s a grown man and should be able to make up his own mind! Geez.
Oh, and I hereby give you all, as intelligent human beings, permission to choose your own fucking foods; even down to what flavor of ice cream you desire. Geesh.
I’d be seriously down with some mocha chip right now, thank you.
As to the rest, yeesh. I’d be thinking, “wow, for his sake I hope he dumps you. That would be a positive lifestyle change!”
MMm oh man Vienna Mocha Chunk! I haven’t had that in years! 😀
Mmmm…I’ll have some Ben&Jerry’s Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream. Seriously, that’s an awesome flavor, and it goes great with pie, too.
Definitely with Piffle on this one. That remark was entirely abusive. If that’s how she talks to him, he should run – do not walk! – to the nearest exit. There’s no excuse, nor should there be.
Ben&Jerry’s Karamel Sutra for me. And, yes, the man should run, not walk, from this woman & find someone who treats him with respect & loves him for who he is. And he should eat all the damn chocolate ice cream he wants, my second-favorite B&J flavor…though Haagen-Dazs may be even better in chocolate!
I’ll take a spoonful of everything. It wouldn’t do to have any ice cream feeling left out, after all.
I haven’t watched TV in a few years, so I don’t know if this is still the case, but there used to be tons of sitcoms where the starring couple was a fat man and a thin woman, and the whole show is riddled with fat jokes, and everyone seems to be ok with the woman being verbally abusive towards her husband because of his weight. I think the message has been sent out very clearly and repeatedly by the entertainment media that it’s ok to treat fat men this way. My husband and I stopped watching those shows because we were so uncomfortable with the verbal abuse that was supposedly perfectly acceptable and even funny. (we’re both overweight but he’s much heavier than I am)
Wow.
That’s so…it’s just…hmmm…about the best I can do is sit here blinking in disbelief.
Ain’t nobody comin’ between me and my chocolate peanut butter ice cream!
In honor of this post, I’m going to get some Breyer’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
Wow. That’s an awful thing to say to someone. What a meanie!
In her honor, I am dipping into the BlueBell Southern Hospitality. (Vanilla with strawberries, pecans, and pineapple chunks.) Mmmmmmm… I’m a big fatty eating the ice cream of my own choosing, and it’s yummy.
That really makes me sad for him AND for her. I can’t imagine treating the man I love like that.. especially over something so trivial as ice cream. It is kind of like co worker of mine and her BF … she was soo horrid to him constantly verbally tearing him apart at work and making threats of physical abuse too (though I don’t think they were ever carried out) it just shocked me. If you care about someone I understand being frustrated at times and getting angry.. but I could barely treat someone I didn’t like like that lol. Maybe it is because I know how comments like that feel and don’t want to do that to others.
The indication that they felt the need to get into a verbal disagreement about what flavour ice cream they were getting is like a parade of red flags and alarm bells going off in my head.
Because like, seriously: get two different kinds. No big deal. And if that’s too expensive, then maybe ice cream should be reconsidered altogether.
Ben & Jerry’s is alright, i suppose. I’m a Haagen-Dazs girl. Just tried their Mango ice cream last night, in fact. It had real chunks of mango, even. Very tasty stuff.
This is outrageous. That’s all I can say.
That, and I LOVE YOUR BLOG’S HEADER. Great headline, great photo (I assume you are the beautiful woman in blue?).
The Fat-o-Sphere is absolutely amazing, isn’t it?
Ai Lu
Ai Lu ~ yeah, it is really outrageous and sad too.
Also thanks, about the header and yes that beautifully confidence gaining woman in blue is indeed me 🙂
What an idiot!! I get comments like that from my flatmates. The other day we went out and I didnt have my wallet and I said to him to wait while I grabbed it. He said no lets just go and Ill pay. then in the car he said well Im only going to allow you to buy fruit. WTF!!! Of course I didnt have any options because I didnt have my wallet. Talk about sabotage.
Dan your flatmate sounds like another whole level of “helpful” evil! Just as much sabotage-y as my co-worker’s attitude to her boyfriend. Yikes!
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Wow, that was jerky. And in an argument where it’s totally not relevant (what, her ice cream flavor has tons less calories than his?), the fact that she goes for the “You’re too fat” cheap shot is really disturbing.
And Dan, I’m sorry your flatmate’s “help” consists of being a butthead.